Tell me tarot cards, will he come back? I know he is violent and a jerk, but I love him!

Yeah, there is another part of my face you haven’t walked on yet!  I sigh when I hear this. I wish women would get smart, but the heart doesn’t see it that way.

Many people (not just women, but usually) do want a the guy they have…but better. This is so hard for me to discuss. The guy doesn’t have to change. They don’t love you any less because of it, they just aren’t motivated enough to change. So what do you do? find another who doesn’t hit you or does more of what you want. Or do it for yourself.

I get asked about love all the time and I ALWAYS check on one thing: are you married? Once, years ago, I was asked about love from someone who was in a very bad relationship. I told her if he wasn’t treating her right maybe she should get out of this relationship. But I am married, she wailed. I didn’t mean to upset her. So now, I check on status then talk a bit more gently. But a bad relationship can not be saved by one person. If the other is not willing or able to do something about it, it could be over.

If you are unmarried and dating a married man: he doesn’t have to leave his wife, just because YOU want him to. I did a reading for someone who asked about that. When I told her it isn’t going to happen (at least for years) she complained that I was so depressing. Why? because I told her the truth? I don’t create the truth, I just describe reality AS IT IS. I can’t help it that I could not give her good news that she wanted. (The only good news for her would have been that her lover was breaking up his marriage for her. Which may NOT be good news for anyone else, but then I don’t know, do I? But it wasn’t (ahem) in the cards at that time.)

Tarot only describes the world. It doesn’t tell you if it is good or bad, moral or immoral. A good reader will not judge what the cards say. Which is tough: years ago after a stern lecture from my mentor on this, I read at the psychic fair for a woman with 2 children by a married man (one child was 3 and one 1.5 at the time) She wanted to know if she should leave him or stay. The cards (!!???!!!???) said stay! Which was nuts to me. “You are biting your tongue.” she pointed out to me. “I know,” I said, “I want to tell you to leave him and get out  of here and the cards won’t let me!” (The cards were very positive and told her not to worry, it would all work out!)  I don’t know what happened after that. I just know that the reality was, he really loved her and would do what he could for her and her kids. (There were extenuating circumstances, but still…..)

Recently I read for a young women contemplating polyamoury. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it isn’t my call. Some tell me it is very healthy. But I am older and I am not so sure. So I just looked at the cards and she had a revelation (that I can’t explain due to privacy issues) that was very useful to her. I described reality and she realized what she needed to do.  I told her I did not understand poly relationships, but that I would not judge her or her relationships (which BTW, were very healthy and mature.) It takes work for the reader to do that. It just isn’t up to me to say this is right or good for you, this is bad/evil/wrong.  But it takes conscious effort to do avoid preaching and saying to the querent she/he should follow my values, my opinions

My worldview is expanding. I am talking to “Swinger”, to people in “poly” relationships, in Pan-Pagan religious groups. Who have beliefs that leave me aghast, or would have several years ago. But views on sex are opening up and if we don’t judge, just look and think about it, I can find a place in my worldview for it. Even if I decide it isn’t for me. Sometimes I do see something I think is wrong (a 16 year old dating a 24 year old for example), in which case I say: this is Barb speaking, not the cards, then I say it, and go back to CARD reading, not BARB reading. Its a tough job but it has to be done.

Back however to the people who love men that beat them  or otherwise treat them badly (and aren’t into S/M!) Think about one thing, please. This is quote told to me years ago, and I don’t know who said it (if anyone knows, PLEASE TELL ME!)

Men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears.

Sounds crazy? it isn’t. Women fall for men who SAY things they want to hear. “I love you, baby.” “You are beautiful to me!” “I will leave my wife (eventually.)” “I want to get married….someday.” “I won’t do it again (for the fourth time.)” “Someday I will be rich/famous/have a job/ a big house/whatever.” But they ignore his actions right now. He is lying, cheating, not thinking about marriage NOW, not working, not doing the things he says he will do….someday. What he is doing NOW, not what he says he is going to do (eventually) is what counts. Block your ears and LOOK, and see what reality IS. And you don’t even need tarot cards to do it!

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