I get asked that question a LOT and the problem is, I don’t believe in soul mates. Or at least, that finding your soul mate will make you happy ever after.
I was reading another blog (http://www.divinewhispers.net) and she was talking (as we inevitably do) about soul mates. Her comment is one I appreciate. “When will you find your soul mate? When you find yourself.” I love it! How can you find someone completely compatible to you, someone that makes you complete, if you aren’t ALREADY complete. Already sure of who you are and what you want.
When I was young, we didn’t talk of soul mates. Maybe this dates me, but the talk was all of when will I meet my Prince Charming (who will sweep me off my feet and carry me away to live happily ever after–and I would never have to work/ struggle/want/have to clean up my room/suffer again.) To be perfect is to be dead. If you are perfect, you can’t change any more. You can’t grow, you can’t LIVE. So why do you want a perfect person for your partner? Do you really want to live the movie, I Married a Zombie? No, I didn’t think so.
What you really want is a living breathing….Ken doll. Someone who is perfect in every way and really (lets get real here) can’t be real. Certainly can’t be anything but plastic. Real live people (the kind with Belly Buttons as a friend used to say) make mistakes. Androids in S/F books don’t have belly buttons and don’t make mistakes. That is not you or me or your soul mate.
I have met my “soul mate”. And I have read for about 14 other people (at last count) who also did. None of these relationships worked out. Why? because common interests and mutual attraction is not all it takes. It takes communication, honest communication. Where we get MAD at our partner, where they talk about what annoys them about us. That takes enormous amounts of courage. Being with a Soul Mate is (in people’s minds) easy. No need to communicate, they know and automatically do what we want. How dull. No only do they not grow, but we can’t grow. We can’t change our minds or our likes and dislikes or our tastes. We must be perfect right now, because if we change the Soul Mate may not fit us anymore. Then where will we be?
So I hope you never find your soul mate. Because my wish for you (and for me, who is NOT with my soul mate, although I am friends with him) is that you can continue to grow and evolve all your life and never stop. And that takes strength, courage, and mindfulness. And it is very challenging and scarey. I am willing to work at it (gulp! do I have to? I guess I must….) Are you?