Things I have learned about Romance (by reading a lot of people’s tarot cards)
I have been reading tarot cards professionally since 1989. Yes, that is 32 years. I was reading cards for longer than that. I have learned a lot about romance over time. These are a few of the points I have learned.
- Look closely at what they DO, do not listen to what they SAY. Words are meaningless unless they are followed by actions.
- Many men will “love bomb” women, I have even heard it called “cult-like behavior,” for the first 3 to 4 months of a romance. Then they will abruptly leave. Women tell me that he talked marriage (in the first 3 months?!) and was very attentive and made them feel special. Now they are sitting there broken-hearted because he very suddenly broke it off. I was talking to someone whose daughter had that happen. When I mentioned I had heard it happening to others too, she pointed me to a book, written in the 80’s which talked about this also. Obviously not a new phenomenon. The author said that women who are victimized by this habit should not take it personal. Easier said then done, but true anyway.
- He is not going to change. No matter what you want him to do, he will change only if he wants to, NOT because you want him to. So, adjust your expectations or move on. (Hint: moving on is easier.)
- If you want to get married after dating 2 years, TALK to him about it. If he still says he is not sure or he wants to marry “Someday” (not now) then dump him and look for a new man. Do not wait around for him to change his mind. If you are not good enough to “put a ring on it” now, you will not be later. And do not take it personal. What he is, not what you are, is the problem.
- Do not stay with someone that makes you unhappy. I have talked to too many women who talk about their guy is hardly there, takes them for granted, maybe is even abusive. I ask them, why are you still with them? Answer: I love him. Really? Or are you in love with what they COULD be if only they would change? (And remember he is NOT going to change.) You are in love with a fantasy, not a real person. Move on as soon as you can.
- Finding a soulmate is not a guarantee of happiness. I have read cards for well over 30 years now. I have met many MANY people who have met Mr./Ms Soulmate and it did not work out. We all meet people that really get us. People that seem to be into the same things we are. People that seem to want what we want. That is great and very important in having a compatible life together. But it is not going to make sure you will be happy.
- You are responsible for your own happiness. Back in my Psychic Fair days, so many women came to me and complained about their husbands. Now that they are retired, they want nothing more than to sit around the house and read the newspaper or watch TV, while their wives are bored out of their minds. I told them then to get a hobby, find something fun to do for themselves. I said it then and I say it now.
- If you are bored, that is YOUR problem. Get yourself a life, no one will do it for you.
- To meet good people, get off the dating sites. Find something fun to do. Volunteer, join a club. Take up painting or knitting or something fun. Check out Meetup.com and Facebook Groups and find like-minded people that do what YOU like to do. You will meet new people and in turn people that are worth dating. Dating sites only have people who want to date. That is all you have in common, no matter what the sites advertise.
- Maya Angelou said it so very well: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” They WILL show you who they are. When the romance is over, and you are mourning what you had (and hoped to have forever) spend some time looking back at what danger signs you ignored. I always say you must forgive yourself first, for letting yourself be jerked around, before you can forgive them for being a jerk. Maybe it was the way they treat waitstaff at a restaurant. Maybe it is the nasty way he talks about his ex. Maybe it is the way he openly flirts in front of you. Maybe it is the way he is needy or accuses you of flirting because he misunderstood something you did or said. You were in love and chose to ignore it. But now you realize it was a danger sign. Do not beat yourself up for what you should have done before. Just tell yourself that NEXT TIME, if you see this sign, you will run in the opposite direction as soon and as fast as possible. We learn by doing, and we all make mistakes. Get out and make some.
- Do not fall in love with someone you only know on-line. If you cannot meet in person (for whatever reason) they are not permanent love material. Do not waste your time and energy.
- You WILL get your heart broke. I am not predicting; I am stating a fact. If you do not meet many people or date very much or even get around much, maybe you will not have that happen. But remember the Simon and Garfunkel song? The Lyric goes: “If I never loved I never would have cried” True enough, but the person in the song has walled himself away from life because it hurt too much. If you want to avoid getting heartbroken, you must do the same. If not, accept that heart break happens and go bravely forth anyway. That way you may find happiness someday. Katy Perry stole my line that I have been saying for years: What does not kill you, makes you stronger.
- Have fun with your life. You may meet someone great; you may end up having a child by yourself because you have not met anyone worth your while. But when you are old, do not regret what you did not do with your life. Go and LIVE it—however you want to do it.
There it is: lessons from over 30 years of talking to people about romance. This is not to say you cannot find someone great and be happy for the rest of your life. But it does mean you have to manage your expectations. Real love and commitment is work. Get to work and good luck!